A Happy Birthday!

Boris Grebenshikov, 'most alive when he sings'

Ladies and gentlemen!

I had such a happy birthday!  I went to see Boris Grebenshikov with the Ukrainians and Russians!  Wow!

And I am so happy after festival.  I cannot speak too highly of the bosco tent.  I was so glad to have been involved.

I feel like I’m back to where I belong after 2 years in the wilderness after the Fallen Angels break up.

I met John Brereton ( the man who promotes gigs in Thomas Reads, The Globe etc..) the day before yesterday and we spoke about the possibilities for Cabaret entertainment in the city.  Apparently, Agnes Bernelle hosted a review night in Sides.  And it was excellent.  Lots of new and established acts came together to perform their work before appreciative and loyal crowds..

It has tempted me to become involved again - that, after all, was what the Fallen Angels was about, in the beginning.  But then I remember how quickly it got nasty, commercial, cliqueish and insane.

It kind of ate me up in the end… trying to save it…

I don’t want to be that kind of selfless idealist anymore.  I’m too old and exhausted.

But there is a part of me that is wondering if I am stronger now and if I would be sturdier against those kinds of raging waters stormings against the fort walls..

The other part is saying:

I’m too old and tired.  I’m glad I did it and I can write about the wonderful experience in my film and songs..  But now it’s time to take part in other people’s Bosco shows - and walk away via the nearest exit when people get crazy.

The problem is that it’s quite simple to create something inspiring and just and beautiful.

But how to sustain it?

Look at the communist revolution - how quickly it became petty and corrupt and a hotbed for controlling bureaucrats.

You need to be a very strong leader to stand strong in the middle of the kind of ego-madness that settles into a new movement - or the kind of ego-madness that is attracted to success.

Success was one of the main factors that attracted insane behaviour to the Cabaret..

Maybe you need to be Ghandhi - prepared to starve yourself to a single bed of sticks…to guilt your colleagues into submission…

But then again, you need to have strong health to go around messing with your body like that, in fairness..

I have the kind of body that needs to be pumped with extra supplements and wheatgrass, not whittled down to bones.. I couldn’t risk it.  What if they didn’t care anyway?  Which is, of course,  the most likely outcome.

I don’t know, ladies and gents, it’s such a tough question.

But let’s just happily say that I really adored the Bosco tent, which was so surrounded by good, creative artistic people that I began to have faith again in the beauty of the art world in Dublin.

Which was the best birthday present anyone could have given me.

And then I went with all the Russians on my birthday night to the Olympia to see Boris Grebenshikov.  He was so beautiful.  I saw him in an interview yesterday and he said he sang his music because that was ‘when he was most alive’.

That’s really it.  That’s all there is.

Clodagh Downing, my friend and actress, who I wrote about in an earlier blog, was told by an audience member that it was ’so good to see someone doing what they were born to do’.

For me, that was and is what the Cabaret was always about - providing a space for people to do ‘what they were born to do’ - simply that - and in that way inspire others to seek to find that simple harmony with their own meaning in the world.

I find I rediscover that oneness again and again - every time I go on stage.  I found that in myself and others in the festival this year.

But now I know it is not enough to be just aspirational - one must also be strong, firm and very brave if one is to stay true to that simplicity.

Because it’s a tough world.

I’m thinking through these ideas.

Maybe I just need to leave the past - and what happened in the past -  behind.

And walk forward, brave and trusting into all this new life, inspiration, goodness and joy!

Have a little faith.

I’ll keep thinking about this review night idea.

I was a bit sleepless last night, to be honest, with the question…

In the meantime, there is so much other stuff to be done.  I am meeting people about the documentary tonight - and possibly some music videos.  I am planning two shows for Christmas.  I have my film to finish…  There is painting to be done!  I have to write an article.  Sort out busaries… Earn a living…

We’ll see.  Life is simple.  If the review night is meant to be, that is to say if the universe wants me to do it, the universe will pursue me until I submit to its plans.

I ‘ll just have to do it and be damned.

That has been my experience.

So you’ll all know about it!

In the meantime, here’s to happy birthdays!

Love love love - and no more worries -

Rose xxx